Guest Etiquette
Q & A for Wedding Guests
article originally appeared in print
About Weddings Section, Manila Bulletin
http://www.mb.com.ph/node/105188
Who says only the couple and their families have to prepare for the wedding? If you were invited, you have a few preparations to make as well: choose your outfit, RSVP, buy a present, and so on. Here’s some good advice for being a good guest.
Ceremony Considerations:
Some people may be uncomfortable about attending a wedding ceremony if they are unfamiliar with the culture or the religion of either the bride or groom, or for some personal reason. In such cases, it is best to tell the bride or groom about this, and advise them whether you are attending the ceremony or skipping it.
Here are a few suggestions should you decide to attend the ceremony:
1. Show Respect. If there is a ritual or practice that you do not want to participate in, be very discreet about your non-participation. You might want to choose a seat where it will not be very obvious that you decided not to participate. Avoid making conversation while the ceremony is going on just because you don’t understand what is happening. Respect the sanctity of the place, especially if it is a religious one.
2. Go with the flow. Oftentimes, the program or a ceremony host will tell the guests what to do, so you can just go along with what others do. The exception would be spiritual practices meant only for the devout, such as communion for Catholics. If you don’t participate in the standing, sitting, bowing, and kneeling during the ceremony, just remain quietly seated.
3. Show genuine concern for what is happening. You may QUIETLY ask a friend who knows what’s going on for an explanation, if you are sincerely interested in the ceremony, for your added knowledge. However, avoid making comments or judgments. Do not look disgusted or wear an expression that suggests disapproval. It is neither the time nor place to criticize.
At the Reception:
So many tips might have been given about how the guests should behave during a party, particularly at wedding receptions. But here are some things oftentimes overlooked by the guests when they receive an invitation to a wedding.
1. Dietary requirements. Be very sure to tell the couple in advance about any dietary restrictions you have. By doing so, they can carefully choose a meal for you that is comparable in price and taste to the rest. They can order in advance, thus saving time and the embarrassment of ordering on the spot.
2. Do not give a long impromptu speech. It is true that couple will be happy to hear you wish them well. But make your congratulations short and sweet. They usually have a program for the evening, and any impromptu speech may throw the program off-balance.
When making a speech, don’t forget that there are guests of different ages, backgrounds, and possibly of varying cultures present. Therefore, keep your speech tasteful and watch your behavior and manners.
3. When ordering drinks, ask whether these are going to be hosted by the couple or not. If the drink is hosted, be very considerate in ordering. Ordering more than necessary is impolite and inconsiderate, considering that the cost of drinks in reception venues is very high. If the drinks are not hosted, then do not insist on ordering and not paying for them yourself.
4. Gift Etiquette: In our country, it is normal to bring your gift to the wedding, and the practice is to hand it over at the reception table for proper registering. Do not bring your gift to the ceremony venue where no one can take care of it, as everyone is focused on the ceremony. It is also proper to send your gift to the bride’s house. It shows consideration to the couple because this minimizes their concern in transporting many gifts from the reception venue to their home. Moreover, the risk of losing it along the way from the reception to the house is avoided.
The gift registry is intended to make it easier for the guests to choose a gift that is really needed by the couple. Though it is a good reference, you are not limited to give from the list. You are at liberty to give a gift of your personal choice, or surprise the couple with a "unique" gift.
In most cases, a monetary gift is not only acceptable, but also very much appreciated by the couple. This is especially true if the couple will be residing abroad or far from their former residence.
Celia B. Cunanan of The Social Connection(Presently the chairperson of the Philippine Association of Wedding Planners or PAWP)
---
Receiving a wedding invitation is a great pleasure and a great honor. It must be treated with the utmost respect. You have been asked to participate in an event that means a great deal to the celebrants.
Being a good guest isn’t really very hard, and you should be especially sensitive to the feelings of the bride and groom. Remember that the couple’s wedding is, first and foremost, their day, and a very special day for their families. They would like you to have a good time, but the event is not organized to indulge you. The couple and their families have honored you by inviting you to the wedding. Return the favor by following simple rules of courtesy and sensitivity.
A Few Good Rules
RSVP on time. Most invitations today have an RSVP date at the bottom. "RSVP" stands for "respondez s’il vous plait" a French term meaning, "please respond". You are expected to reply as to whether or not you are coming. The reason for this is so that the couple can determine the exact number of guests coming and inform their caterer, prepare enough giveaways and order enough liquor.
While it is considered very bad manners to respond after the specified RSVP date, it is even worse to show up at the wedding without replying at all. This will be a major inconvenience to the couple, most especially if they have prepared a seating chart.
Get an invitation, send a gift. This is a simple rule that holds true regardless of whether or not you will attend the wedding. Yes, declining an invitation does not excuse you from sending a gift. If the couple considered you important enough in their lives to request your presence on their special day, it is basic courtesy to bless the bride and groom with a gift. Sending a gift shows your best wishes for the newlyweds starting their lives together.
Ask about the gift registry. It is generally not considered proper for an invitation to include any mention of where the couple has registered their gifts but, as a guest, you are expected to take it upon yourself to inquire about whether a registry exists. The registry was intended by the couple to make your gift buying easier. Whatever you get from the registry is something you are sure the bride and groom truly want.
Send the gift before the wedding. Although you have up to a year after the wedding to send your gift, doing so does not speak well of you. You may bring your gift to the wedding, but take into consideration the inconvenience the couple might have in transporting the presents after the reception. It would be best (and quite considerate) to send the gift to the bride or groom’s residence weeks before the wedding.
"… and Guest". If your invitation is addressed to you "and Guest", you are free to invite a date to escort you to the wedding; otherwise, if it is only your name you see on the invitation, do not assume it is all right to do so. You should attend the wedding alone. Remember that the cost for each guest is quite high, so bringing unexpected guests is very impolite. Also, you may be disrupting a seating arrangement which was meticulously planned out by the couple.
Bringing children. Unless their names are specified on the invitation, or unless they are part of the bridal entourage, it is NOT APPROPRIATE to bring children to any wedding.
If your children are invited or you decide to bring one as your guest, make sure to keep them under control. If they become disruptive during the ceremony, bring them out. During the reception, do not allow the children to run wild. Do not expect the coordinator, the photographers, or any of the working staff to supervise them for you. They have enough to do. If your children cause damage, be prepared to pay for it; otherwise, the bride and groom will be held responsible for it.
Do not be late for the ceremony. Do your best not to be late for the ceremony. But if you do arrive late, try to enter the venue without attracting much attention to yourself and disrupting the ceremony. A better alternative is to go directly to the reception venue instead and wait for the wedding party (but do this only in extreme emergencies!).
Do not take photos during the ceremony unless you are the designated photographer. Avoid taking pictures during the ceremony, especially during the processional. Leave that to the professionals and respect the sanctity of the ritual. There will be plenty of opportunities to get your pictures during the reception.
Seating arrangements. At the reception, if there is a seating plan, respect it. Do not disrupt the arrangement by insisting on sitting beside your friends. Remember that in doing so, you are displacing some guests. You will have time to be with them anyway once the program is over. Besides, this is one way of meeting other people. Socialize.
The buffet line. If a buffet is served at the reception, do not pile your plate with food. Be considerate to those who have not yet eaten. You will have your chance to get a second serving later.
Drinking alcohol. Have fun; weddings are joyous occasions. But do not overindulge yourself at the open bar. Do not embarrass yourself and the newlyweds by being obnoxiously drunk. No one enjoys being around a drunken wedding guest.
The wedding day is the bride and groom’s special day. If each guest displays courtesy and thoughtfulness, the day will be a memorable and enjoyable experience for everyone, especially for the newlyweds. Now isn’t that the best gift of all?
article originally appeared in print
About Weddings Section, Manila Bulletin
http://www.mb.com.ph/node/105188
Who says only the couple and their families have to prepare for the wedding? If you were invited, you have a few preparations to make as well: choose your outfit, RSVP, buy a present, and so on. Here’s some good advice for being a good guest.
Ceremony Considerations:
Some people may be uncomfortable about attending a wedding ceremony if they are unfamiliar with the culture or the religion of either the bride or groom, or for some personal reason. In such cases, it is best to tell the bride or groom about this, and advise them whether you are attending the ceremony or skipping it.
Here are a few suggestions should you decide to attend the ceremony:
1. Show Respect. If there is a ritual or practice that you do not want to participate in, be very discreet about your non-participation. You might want to choose a seat where it will not be very obvious that you decided not to participate. Avoid making conversation while the ceremony is going on just because you don’t understand what is happening. Respect the sanctity of the place, especially if it is a religious one.
2. Go with the flow. Oftentimes, the program or a ceremony host will tell the guests what to do, so you can just go along with what others do. The exception would be spiritual practices meant only for the devout, such as communion for Catholics. If you don’t participate in the standing, sitting, bowing, and kneeling during the ceremony, just remain quietly seated.
3. Show genuine concern for what is happening. You may QUIETLY ask a friend who knows what’s going on for an explanation, if you are sincerely interested in the ceremony, for your added knowledge. However, avoid making comments or judgments. Do not look disgusted or wear an expression that suggests disapproval. It is neither the time nor place to criticize.
At the Reception:
So many tips might have been given about how the guests should behave during a party, particularly at wedding receptions. But here are some things oftentimes overlooked by the guests when they receive an invitation to a wedding.
1. Dietary requirements. Be very sure to tell the couple in advance about any dietary restrictions you have. By doing so, they can carefully choose a meal for you that is comparable in price and taste to the rest. They can order in advance, thus saving time and the embarrassment of ordering on the spot.
2. Do not give a long impromptu speech. It is true that couple will be happy to hear you wish them well. But make your congratulations short and sweet. They usually have a program for the evening, and any impromptu speech may throw the program off-balance.
When making a speech, don’t forget that there are guests of different ages, backgrounds, and possibly of varying cultures present. Therefore, keep your speech tasteful and watch your behavior and manners.
3. When ordering drinks, ask whether these are going to be hosted by the couple or not. If the drink is hosted, be very considerate in ordering. Ordering more than necessary is impolite and inconsiderate, considering that the cost of drinks in reception venues is very high. If the drinks are not hosted, then do not insist on ordering and not paying for them yourself.
4. Gift Etiquette: In our country, it is normal to bring your gift to the wedding, and the practice is to hand it over at the reception table for proper registering. Do not bring your gift to the ceremony venue where no one can take care of it, as everyone is focused on the ceremony. It is also proper to send your gift to the bride’s house. It shows consideration to the couple because this minimizes their concern in transporting many gifts from the reception venue to their home. Moreover, the risk of losing it along the way from the reception to the house is avoided.
The gift registry is intended to make it easier for the guests to choose a gift that is really needed by the couple. Though it is a good reference, you are not limited to give from the list. You are at liberty to give a gift of your personal choice, or surprise the couple with a "unique" gift.
In most cases, a monetary gift is not only acceptable, but also very much appreciated by the couple. This is especially true if the couple will be residing abroad or far from their former residence.
Celia B. Cunanan of The Social Connection(Presently the chairperson of the Philippine Association of Wedding Planners or PAWP)
---
Receiving a wedding invitation is a great pleasure and a great honor. It must be treated with the utmost respect. You have been asked to participate in an event that means a great deal to the celebrants.
Being a good guest isn’t really very hard, and you should be especially sensitive to the feelings of the bride and groom. Remember that the couple’s wedding is, first and foremost, their day, and a very special day for their families. They would like you to have a good time, but the event is not organized to indulge you. The couple and their families have honored you by inviting you to the wedding. Return the favor by following simple rules of courtesy and sensitivity.
A Few Good Rules
RSVP on time. Most invitations today have an RSVP date at the bottom. "RSVP" stands for "respondez s’il vous plait" a French term meaning, "please respond". You are expected to reply as to whether or not you are coming. The reason for this is so that the couple can determine the exact number of guests coming and inform their caterer, prepare enough giveaways and order enough liquor.
While it is considered very bad manners to respond after the specified RSVP date, it is even worse to show up at the wedding without replying at all. This will be a major inconvenience to the couple, most especially if they have prepared a seating chart.
Get an invitation, send a gift. This is a simple rule that holds true regardless of whether or not you will attend the wedding. Yes, declining an invitation does not excuse you from sending a gift. If the couple considered you important enough in their lives to request your presence on their special day, it is basic courtesy to bless the bride and groom with a gift. Sending a gift shows your best wishes for the newlyweds starting their lives together.
Ask about the gift registry. It is generally not considered proper for an invitation to include any mention of where the couple has registered their gifts but, as a guest, you are expected to take it upon yourself to inquire about whether a registry exists. The registry was intended by the couple to make your gift buying easier. Whatever you get from the registry is something you are sure the bride and groom truly want.
Send the gift before the wedding. Although you have up to a year after the wedding to send your gift, doing so does not speak well of you. You may bring your gift to the wedding, but take into consideration the inconvenience the couple might have in transporting the presents after the reception. It would be best (and quite considerate) to send the gift to the bride or groom’s residence weeks before the wedding.
"… and Guest". If your invitation is addressed to you "and Guest", you are free to invite a date to escort you to the wedding; otherwise, if it is only your name you see on the invitation, do not assume it is all right to do so. You should attend the wedding alone. Remember that the cost for each guest is quite high, so bringing unexpected guests is very impolite. Also, you may be disrupting a seating arrangement which was meticulously planned out by the couple.
Bringing children. Unless their names are specified on the invitation, or unless they are part of the bridal entourage, it is NOT APPROPRIATE to bring children to any wedding.
If your children are invited or you decide to bring one as your guest, make sure to keep them under control. If they become disruptive during the ceremony, bring them out. During the reception, do not allow the children to run wild. Do not expect the coordinator, the photographers, or any of the working staff to supervise them for you. They have enough to do. If your children cause damage, be prepared to pay for it; otherwise, the bride and groom will be held responsible for it.
Do not be late for the ceremony. Do your best not to be late for the ceremony. But if you do arrive late, try to enter the venue without attracting much attention to yourself and disrupting the ceremony. A better alternative is to go directly to the reception venue instead and wait for the wedding party (but do this only in extreme emergencies!).
Do not take photos during the ceremony unless you are the designated photographer. Avoid taking pictures during the ceremony, especially during the processional. Leave that to the professionals and respect the sanctity of the ritual. There will be plenty of opportunities to get your pictures during the reception.
Seating arrangements. At the reception, if there is a seating plan, respect it. Do not disrupt the arrangement by insisting on sitting beside your friends. Remember that in doing so, you are displacing some guests. You will have time to be with them anyway once the program is over. Besides, this is one way of meeting other people. Socialize.
The buffet line. If a buffet is served at the reception, do not pile your plate with food. Be considerate to those who have not yet eaten. You will have your chance to get a second serving later.
Drinking alcohol. Have fun; weddings are joyous occasions. But do not overindulge yourself at the open bar. Do not embarrass yourself and the newlyweds by being obnoxiously drunk. No one enjoys being around a drunken wedding guest.
The wedding day is the bride and groom’s special day. If each guest displays courtesy and thoughtfulness, the day will be a memorable and enjoyable experience for everyone, especially for the newlyweds. Now isn’t that the best gift of all?